Church Groups

Lewz · 10-17-2008, 03:19 PM

So do you guys make your kids be part of those groups at church. i mean personally i have nothing against it but i hated it. Its boring and id rather be playing sports or something then spending saturdays singing choir songs. My mom tried to keep me in it for a little bit before she realized i hated it.

Cherena · 10-17-2008, 04:20 PM

As the mother of a 16 year old and a 24 year old, I continually struggle with this issue.

My current course of action is compromise: though not required to attend church regularly, I ask (and expect) them to attend certain events and activities. My goal is a balance of keeping them enough involved to never feel that they are strangers to an organized Christian fellowship yet allow them the freedom to choose their own way and develop their own personal relationships with God without triggering the rebellion/boredom/resentment reactions that teenagers seem to wear like a cloak of armour against all things parent-related. Oh, and lots of prayer on my part....He helped me bring 'em in to this world, I count on Him to help me bring 'em up in this world. = )

It seems to be working with my oldest who believes he has a calling to ministry in his future. Ask me in 10 years how it worked with my youngest!

Lewz · 10-18-2008, 06:33 PM

So questions is that the ultimate goal, for them to work in the church? I mean i kinda feel like church groups are a extracurricular activity like everything else. I'd make my kids try almost everything but let them choose what they don't and do like. So in my life my mom did make me try it but after i gave it a go she knew i didn't really enjoy it.

Mordenkainaen · 10-19-2008, 08:24 PM

I don't have any kids myself, but knowing what my friends and I went through, its important to keep in mind that the more you force your child to do something, the more they'll hate it.

Forcing a kid will only make them hate it, and it'll cause them to close themselves off from future encounters and experiences. It will become a chore, and not something that makes them feel better or fulfilled. Its fine to give them a nudge in the direction you think would be best, but be aware that if they want to move away from an activity - even if for a short amount of time - its best to give them space to make their own choices. A part of that 'teenage rebellion' is being frustrated when they're not even allowed to have input in their own lives.

Provide them with the opportunity and encouragement to pursue whatever extracurricular activities they like (the legal ones!

) and they'll gravitate to what they like and what makes them feel accomplished.

Ruzan · 10-20-2008, 01:43 PM

No, I have four children and they hate sunday school and extra curricular church events as much as I do.

Yes thats horrible for me to say, but you have to understand. We love the Lord, and I have given my children to Him for Him to lead, but we dont have to sing 8,000 songs every sunday and wednesday to show that to him.

I hated it and my kids do not like it either, so no, they don't have to go and sit through that.

Cherena · 10-21-2008, 04:08 PM

No, the goal is simply to do my best to insure that they have choices and feel free to make those choices. My son was never pushed into ministry by me...in fact, though I wouldn't discourage him, I certainly wouldn't wish that responsibility on him, either. = )

My personal hope is that they find the same comfort in faith that I have, however they choose to practice it, without being burdened by unreasonable fears / rebellions / etc. inside or outside of the church.

Mr. Harris · 10-22-2008, 10:54 AM

I think the most important and most overlooked thing here is communication. Talk to your kids, no matter what age and try to see things from their perspective. You might find out that they have a really good reason for wanting to participate or not wanting to participate. When you do this you can make a parental decision on whether or not it is a "kid" reason or a reason you might understand on whether or not they want to be a part of the congregation. Do not underestimate your children's ability to reason and make a decision and while doing so you have empowered them not only to communicate with you but to understand your reasoning and feelings as well as their own.

Mr. Harris

10-17-2008, 03:19 PM	#1 (permalink)
Lewz Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Boston Posts: 154 My Photos: (0)	Church Groups So do you guys make your kids be part of those groups at church. i mean personally i have nothing against it but i hated it. Its boring and id rather be playing sports or something then spending saturdays singing choir songs. My mom tried to keep me in it for a little bit before she realized i hated it. __________________

10-17-2008, 04:20 PM	#2 (permalink)
Cherena Junior Member Join Date: Oct 2008 Posts: 3 My Photos: (0)	Re: Church Groups As the mother of a 16 year old and a 24 year old, I continually struggle with this issue. My current course of action is compromise: though not required to attend church regularly, I ask (and expect) them to attend certain events and activities. My goal is a balance of keeping them enough involved to never feel that they are strangers to an organized Christian fellowship yet allow them the freedom to choose their own way and develop their own personal relationships with God without triggering the rebellion/boredom/resentment reactions that teenagers seem to wear like a cloak of armour against all things parent-related. Oh, and lots of prayer on my part....He helped me bring 'em in to this world, I count on Him to help me bring 'em up in this world. = ) It seems to be working with my oldest who believes he has a calling to ministry in his future. Ask me in 10 years how it worked with my youngest!

10-18-2008, 06:33 PM	#3 (permalink)
Lewz Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Boston Posts: 154 My Photos: (0)	Re: Church Groups So questions is that the ultimate goal, for them to work in the church? I mean i kinda feel like church groups are a extracurricular activity like everything else. I'd make my kids try almost everything but let them choose what they don't and do like. So in my life my mom did make me try it but after i gave it a go she knew i didn't really enjoy it. __________________

10-19-2008, 08:24 PM	#4 (permalink)
Mordenkainaen Member Join Date: Sep 2008 Posts: 35 My Photos: (0)	Re: Church Groups I don't have any kids myself, but knowing what my friends and I went through, its important to keep in mind that the more you force your child to do something, the more they'll hate it. Forcing a kid will only make them hate it, and it'll cause them to close themselves off from future encounters and experiences. It will become a chore, and not something that makes them feel better or fulfilled. Its fine to give them a nudge in the direction you think would be best, but be aware that if they want to move away from an activity - even if for a short amount of time - its best to give them space to make their own choices. A part of that 'teenage rebellion' is being frustrated when they're not even allowed to have input in their own lives. Provide them with the opportunity and encouragement to pursue whatever extracurricular activities they like (the legal ones! ) and they'll gravitate to what they like and what makes them feel accomplished.

10-20-2008, 01:43 PM	#5 (permalink)
Ruzan Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Indiana Posts: 105 My Photos: (1)	Re: Church Groups No, I have four children and they hate sunday school and extra curricular church events as much as I do. Yes thats horrible for me to say, but you have to understand. We love the Lord, and I have given my children to Him for Him to lead, but we dont have to sing 8,000 songs every sunday and wednesday to show that to him. I hated it and my kids do not like it either, so no, they don't have to go and sit through that. __________________ "In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps." Proverbs 16:9

10-21-2008, 04:08 PM	#6 (permalink)
Cherena Junior Member Join Date: Oct 2008 Posts: 3 My Photos: (0)	Re: Church Groups No, the goal is simply to do my best to insure that they have choices and feel free to make those choices. My son was never pushed into ministry by me...in fact, though I wouldn't discourage him, I certainly wouldn't wish that responsibility on him, either. = ) My personal hope is that they find the same comfort in faith that I have, however they choose to practice it, without being burdened by unreasonable fears / rebellions / etc. inside or outside of the church.

10-22-2008, 10:54 AM	#7 (permalink)
Mr. Harris Member Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: United States Posts: 57 My Photos: (0)	Re: Church Groups I think the most important and most overlooked thing here is communication. Talk to your kids, no matter what age and try to see things from their perspective. You might find out that they have a really good reason for wanting to participate or not wanting to participate. When you do this you can make a parental decision on whether or not it is a "kid" reason or a reason you might understand on whether or not they want to be a part of the congregation. Do not underestimate your children's ability to reason and make a decision and while doing so you have empowered them not only to communicate with you but to understand your reasoning and feelings as well as their own. Mr. Harris